Six Steps to Being More Confident

August 2, 2018

Approximately five years out of college, I was downsized from my marketing and public relations position at Calgon Corporation. I had interned with the company for three summers and was hired for a full-time position before college graduation. Hence, this was the first time I had to look for employment as a professional.

As I began my search, I received numerous job interviews. However, I never seemed to be able to seal the deal and get the job offer. After what felt like 50 interviews, I became very frustrated, and my confidence began to fade. In speaking to one of my girlfriends, she suggested that I consider doing some mock interviews.  She connected me with an individual who happened to be head of human resources for Pittsburgh City Schools. On a cold and snowy day, I headed to her office to get feedback on my interview style.  Within five minutes she observed my reserved mannerisms and gave me feedback.  “In reading over your resume, I’m not sure why you are not coming across more confident in your abilities,” said the HR expert.  

“Well, I don’t want to come across as a bragger and have people think I am arrogant,” I replied. 

She explained the difference between arrogance and confidence.  Arrogance is when you act like you are better than others; confidence is when you feel no one is better than you. She told me that a job interview is where you should feel comfortable “bragging” about your accomplishments and letting people know you belong there. This advice has been a tremendous help in my career.  By the way, I was able to ace my next interview and got the job. 

Have you ever attended a meeting where you knew the solution to a problem but lacked the confidence to speak up? Yet, one of the men in the room spoke up and got the credit. I’ve done it on many occasions and could have kicked myself later for lacking the courage to speak up.  

As women, we often lack confidence and don’t speak up—especially if we don’t think we are 100 percent right. We sit with our shoulders hunched over, speak with hesitation and have a body language that exudes “Is it ok to be here?”  

Speaking up in meetings and contributing valuable ideas demonstrates to everyone in your organization that you are well suited for your role and ready for the next big job. Being a wallflower is not an option. You should never leave a meeting without saying something—even if you just agree with a concept.   

In a recent client meeting, I noticed that all the men immediately grabbed a seat at the main table. I was the only woman who sat at the table right next to the CEO. However, the other four women sat in chairs located on the sidelines. I even gestured for one woman to move to an empty seat near me, but she declined.  

If you’ve been invited to a meeting, you deserve to have a voice and a seat at the table.  Here are six tips that will help you be more confident in your next meeting: 

1. Don’t sit back. Sit up straight when engaging with others as it immediately makes you appear more confident. 
2. Project your voice and speak slower.  
3. Write down what you want to say in advance. 
4. Time yourself. I’m going to speak within 10-15 minutes. 
5. Speak up even if you are not 100% confident in your response.
6. Be kind and respectful. 

Tell me about a situation when you could have come across more forthright and confident.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Eleanor Roosevelt