August 24, 2017
Last weekend, I traveled to Pittsburgh, PA for my 40th high school reunion weekend. (I can’t believe I’m that old either!). I attended St. Paul’s Cathedral High School, an all-girls school located in the heart of North Oakland. St. Paul’s merged with another girl’s high school in 1989 and is now known as Oakland Catholic.
Approximately 25 women out of our class of 86 students attended the weekend events. The reunion weekend included a happy hour on Friday night, followed by a tour of the newly renovated high school and a special luncheon on Saturday.
It was great to see my classmates again and reminisce about old times since our last reunion was 20 years ago. However, it also brought back memories of our high school guidance counselor, Sister Sylvia, who encouraged all the women of color to go to trade school instead of college.
“I just don’t think you are college material,” said Sister Sylvia as we discussed my career aspirations. Imagine how devastated I was after this meeting. Mind you–I was an A/B student.
Despite Sister Sylvia’s counseling, my dream was to go to college. My parents had invested in my Catholic school education, and we always talked about “when” not “if” I went to college. So, I applied to several universities and ended up attending the University of Pittsburgh earning a BS in Business Administration and shortly afterward completed my Masters in Marketing Communications at Duquesne University. During my college years, I secured an INROADs internship with Calgon Corporation in the Advertising and Public Relations department and was hired full time after graduation. One day the INROADs Director called and asked me to help with recruiting efforts at St. Paul’s Cathedral High School. Guess who was still there when I arrived? None other than Sister Sylvia who happened to introduce me as one of her “good” students. Really!
I opted to take the high road and told the girls in the meeting not to let others define you. “You will meet people who are dream stealers along the way but continue to follow your dreams.” When I think about it, this message was probably more directed toward Sister Sylvia than the girls.
As we exchanged stories at the reunion last weekend, other African American classmates told similar stories. “Sister Sylvia is the reason I’m in Ohio to this day,” said Lori E., who was always an A student and is currently a lawyer in Cincinnati, Ohio.
“What do you mean,” I replied.
“Well, Sister Sylvia told me I would never get accepted at Penn State University Park Campus, so I applied to and was accepted at the University of Cincinnati. Shortly afterward, Penn State sent me an acceptance letter, but I had already committed to attending the University of Cincinnati.
It reminds me of a scene from the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness” where Will Smith initially tells his son he will never be a pro basketball player. With a defeated look on his face, his son throws the basketball in the trash, and Will says, “Don’t ever let anyone including me, tell you what you can or cannot do.”
If you allow others to define who you are, you are giving them the power to dictate where your path will lead. Thank goodness, I surrounded myself with supporters and didn’t listen to Sister Sylvia or any other individuals who tried to kill my dreams.
Have you allowed the words of others to limit what you are truly capable of achieving? Here are some suggestions on how to make your dreams a reality:
Now is the time to take back that power.
“Whenever I have knocked, a door has opened. Wherever I have wandered, a path has appeared. I have been helped, supported, encouraged and nurtured by people of all races, creeds, colors, and dreams.”
Alice Walker
Often, when I tell someone to “Keep Dreaming,” it comes from a sarcastic place and means “this will never happen.” However, as I reflect on the crazy, challenging year we all experienced in 2020, I think it’s time to get back to our dreams literally.
At the beginning of 2020, I had big dreams. I had planned a February vacation trip to Thailand, a women’s conference in March, Florida in April, Aruba in June, and Hilton Head with cousins in October. All plans were canceled indefinitely. Getting refunds/credits from travel agencies, airlines and hotels became a significant challenge and took lots of energy.
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Hi! I'm LaNella Hooper-Williams. Through my blog, my mission is to give you tips and practical tools that will help you build a powerful brand and accomplish your personal and professional dreams. You’ll learn strategies that help you manage your personal brand, get noticed and rewarded for your unique talents, and gain greater career focus.
Nell,
I really enjoyed reading this post and its message. So many times, those who are in charge of directing young people, use that powerful position to do more harm than good. Thank you for sharing your story of success.
Love you,
Sandi
Yes! Great article with great advice.
LaNella,
I had a similar incidence when I was a Sister. I wanted to be a School Counselor in 1964. My superior said “What makes you think you could counsel anyone?” So I chose History for my Masters. Guess that was a good thing in the end.
Best of luck and happiness in you work. Young women need encouragement.
Thank you Lanella for sharing such an honest and inspiring story about our experiences at St. Paul’s Cathedral High School with Sr. Sylvia. I know firsthand as a classmate, you worked hard and were a good student as were several young women deterred by Sr. Sylvia, particularly the relative few who are African American.
I wanted to add my own story to this repugnant but important learning experience.
I was personally told by Sr. Sylvia that I was, “trying to be more than you are, even though based on your IQ, you could go to college, but it should be a community college because your parents can’t afford the schools you want to apply to…” She also refused to sign my application for a Women in Engineering scholarship. I told the art teacher at St. Paul’s at that time, Fleurette DeSimone. Ms. D, (as she was called by art students), told me, “don’t ever let anyone tell you what you can ore can’t do…” She signed the application for me, “even if I get in trouble.” When I got the scholarship in 11th grade, Ms. DeSimone had it announced over the school intercom during the morning announcements. Sr. Sylvia’s response was, “well at least we got you squared away.” I was incredulous! She acted as if she had helped me in some way. Fortunately Fleurette DeSimone had stood with me, allowing me the opportunity to pursue a full scholarship for this preparatory internship at the University of Dayton. I never forgot that for every Sr. Sylvia, there may be a Fleurette to encourage and respect you.
After graduation, Fleurette made sure I had access to her through letters, phone calls, and visits. She became both an advisor and friend through college. I share this story to pay homage to a true ally, sister and friend. Sadly, she passed away at the age of 35, but the influence she had in my life lasted to this day. The fact that we came from different backgrounds was a learning experience for both of us. Her children, now in their thirties, remain a part of my life. Sr. Sylvia could have learned a lot from observing rather than judging based on “race.” Fleurette didn’t ignore my etnicity, she embraced my talent and respected my intelligence. In the process we learned about each other’s families, culture and both of us became better for the experience.
I just noticed a typo, “ore” instead of or in the second paragraph, third sentence of my comment, “…can or can’t do.”
I was as impressed with you at the reunion as I was everyday in school with you. I never saw you as a woman of color, as much as a woman who could change the world with every step she took, and by gosh, you sure did. So proud of you my sister, my friend! Keep on inspiring.